Sunday, February 10, 2013

Completed page 14

Finished page 14 of 35....
No photo.
It was one of those moments when I realized that I have just stitched for a week, and it was 3am, and I had just finished stitching something that I just hated stitching.
I thought I was ready to just toss it into the trash and start something different.
I was sick of stitching those miserable shading stripes.  And the rest of the pattern is full of MORE shading stripes... and I'm not even half way done...
So I could stop and iron it and photograph it, or just stick it back in the hoop and start another page.
I picked another page, stuck it back in the hoop, and stitched more.

On some level, stitching is stitching.  On another level, I miss stitching Long Dog patterns... maybe I am just sick of no color.  Maybe three pages of Escher is my breaking point after not stitching for months.
I don't know.  Once I was stitching again - I was fine.  I stitched for another hour, and didn't consider tossing it.  Maybe it was just general frustration.

On the frustration level, I don't really have anything to complain about.
Finally got my rebates from the dishwasher -
Asked Amazon UK to resend me the missing box of dvds.  They will, and were very nice about it.
The house is a mess - but that has become normal... 

I did have an odd thing happen.  I sort of met an alternate version of myself.
Did you ever wonder what you would be like if you got to change some of the things you would like to change about yourself???  Or what exactly others say they see about you, but you don't understand what they mean?  I met that better version of me.
The nice thing was that I liked her.  I understood right away that meeting her was a lesson for me.  I wasn't sure what the lesson was going to be.  I thought at first she was just going to be a new friend for me because we either had the thing in common or were complete opposites.  That's when I got the lesson.

She was me -
She was the version that wasn't overweight.  She was the version that was divorced three times, but had children.  She had lots of siblings.  She was still dating.  She had friends that she would go with to the wine tastings, and listen to the local bar bands...  She had just moved to the new ranch house.

She was all the things I've wondered about in my life if only this or that was different.
And there was also that little bit of confusion, and this needing to please - lack of confidence I could see in her that I know some men have said they see in me.  I can't see it in myself, and have often wondered what exactly they meant, but I could see it in her, and I understood right away, that is what men see in me, or maybe other women see in me.  I got it - because I could finally understand it.  Actually, it is something that I don't remember seeing in other women.  But I understood people see that in me too.

Like I said, it was all a little odd, and took place over about 30 minutes.
In the end I understood better what other people see in me.  I understood that I liked her, but that I was still much happier being myself - even as messed up as things sometimes are or seem.  I was much happier at the end of the day with myself and being alone.  The thought of going to the wine tasting, and listening to the local bar bands, and dating men that still don't have a clue about women was sort of horrifying to think about.
That I was really happy on my own.  Maybe she left out meeting feeling the same way about her own life.  Glad she was social, glad she was not overweight, glad she had children and grand children, glad to still be dating.  I'll never know, but I would be fine if she felt that way.

And that is a really nice life lesson to learn about yourself.  Once you have met that other version, where the other option was taken, you can stop wondering about - what if...
It is not better or worse - it is just different.  And if you can walk away realizing you are happy in your own skin, and not wondering anymore, it was a great life lesson.  One that I probably needed at this point in my life.

No comments: