Saturday, June 22, 2013

Men, Stupid Boys, and Maybe

Things are still moving along with sorting stuff for the auction.
Was stitching a bit, not too much more done.

Need to sort and burn old papers and notebooks.  My dad wrote a diary of what he did each day the first year he retired.  Just a couple of paragraphs each day, but I read it as sort of a last effort to connect with my dead parents I suppose.  I don't want to regret not reading it later for example.  It reads pretty quick and just took a few hours to read through the year.  Sort of curious to see how many times I was referenced as his only kid, even as his old adult kid in 1996.  I once went to pick up a pizza for just me, ordered 2, thought I REALLY don't need to eat two, and took one out to my parents house in the country for them instead.  This made his diary as the kid bringing out a surprise pizza, and that it was good.  Something I just would have dropped off and left after calling to make sure they had not already had dinner.  But certainly no big deal either.

Reading it would mean nothing to others, but stuff mentioned I remember.  My dad died in 2000, so it has been long enough that I can read it without being upset.  Some of it helps when he is referencing what year something was done like re-roofing part of the garage.  Stuff the realtor asked, and I had no clue about.
Now I know.  1996.  The pages just get tossed as I read them.  Most of it I will not remember myself in just a few months.  And I burn the paper the next day.  Mom did not write notes on everything.  She printed off recipes from internet sites.  Some worth keeping, some using stuff I never have around to cook with.  So kept some, tossed lots.  Could do that nightly for months to get through all the notes and random papers.

The guy interested in mom's house finally called back to try to see the house again.  The realtor called me because he needed keys, and to set up when or mostly not when... then the guy won't return the realtors call again.  All over just 3 hour time period.
I really did not want to give the realtor keys till after the house is empty of stuff after the auction.  But I took him keys the next day just so he would have them to walk this one guy through - but I don't want random buyers walking thru an area with boxes on the floor everywhere, and tools that can be slipped into a pocket.  After the auction, that is no longer an issue.  But still trying to get this one guy through.

Went to see the realtors other house he built.  Might need him to build for me, so I want to see what he has built.  A one level ranch style, built for a husband and wife where the husband is in a wheelchair.  The realtor is a house contractor, but people buying from his homes asked if he could sell the houses they were moving from... so he got his realtor stuff so he could do that too.  But he doesn't just sell random listings, but for people he knows, or his own homes he has built, or for very goofy old girls that he once liked that need him to help, like me...

My best guy friend called and asked if he could help me a few days this week.  We were in school together, never dated, but did go to junior prom together as friends.  He told me then that his mom wanted him to go, and he was between girlfriends and a couple of other girls had already said no before he asked me, was the story I got at the time.  He completely denies this story now.  Goofy boys.

Anyway, he was coming, then it turned out it was his 26th wedding anniversary... and he would have to be home the very next day... I understand that completely... not a problem... but maybe we just need to delay it a few days.  Nope, coming the day before, will see how far we get.  We moved what still needed to go to the auction in his truck, a dresser and mirror from my house, and then brought some big stuff to my house, or crazy heavy stuff like toolboxes.  There were 2 large chests in the garage rafters that needed to still be taken down.  So I got a second and third guy to come and meet him to help with that.  Took just minutes, but to do it safely, we needed extra guys.

Then the realtor showed up to see my friend because they had been in boy scouts together.  So he ended up helping get the trunks down too.  They had not seen each other for 40 years, but it was a short reunion.  I just got out of the way with the other guy I had asked to help, and showed him what would still need to be moved the auction morning.

By the time we came back out, the realtor was leaving, the reunion was over, and the other guy was just getting there, and the trunks were already down.  But the other guy stayed and talked.  We all worked together long ago, but I am the common connection now since they don't see each other or work together anymore.  They are still always glad to see each other too.

It was sort of an auction preview of having 4 of the men that I have felt very close to and worked with around me.  Men I have known for 25 years or nearly 40 years, and men that had been in boys scouts together nearly 40 years ago.  Really odd.
The boy I liked...
The men I worked with and trusted with my life to never hurt me.
The other boy I knew in school that I later contacted and became my best friend now.

So I expected when I saw them all standing together, it would be very comforting for me, but slightly odd to see them all gathered at my mom's home.

What I felt was just odd.  They all have had such different relationships with me.  They are all very odd men in their own personalities, and even if I say that they are certainly all complete electronics geeks for example, they would never all have enough in common to be friends.  Although they are pairs of friends.  I am just the common connection.
At the auction it will be the same odd thing again just with tossing in a few more people.  
It is a party that none of these guys would every come to normally, nor would I.  But because they understand it is my situation, and not a party, they will show up to help me.  They understand I need them, and would never ask if I was not desperate with nobody else to turn to. 

And on a test run just a few weeks before an auction, I was trying for 2 or 3 guys and got 4 because the realtor wanted to see his scouting buddy, not me, and knew exactly what time he would be with me and where.  He had told me the day before when I dropped of the keys and saw the house that if he was in the area he might stop to see him.  It was not a complete surprise.

So my friend ended up staying the second night with me and going home first thing the next morning.  He spent his 26th wedding anniversary with me.  His wifes parents had reminded his wife, otherwise she had actually forgotten completely about it too till the day before he was supposed to come.

We went out to dinner after hauling the last load and cleaning up.  He said he did not have clean jeans to wear.  I asked what size he was wearing... he said 40 x 30's, I said I have those - he could borrow my pants to wear.  ( I told him I hate him because my current size is two sizes above that... but because my weight has shifted so much I keep pants, and could fit any guy down to a 30 x 32...)  The pants looked nice on him, so I told him to keep them.  Good luck explaining how you go visit the girl you knew from high school and come home with extra pants... her pants...

We had a great time talking about lots of stuff.  It has been a long time since I have had a guy around to support me as well as he does.  Made me miss that again.  It was nice to go out to dinner with a guy again.  Went to a steakhouse and I had the best steak I have had for years.  We got so much done.  All because he was there to help do the things I needed done.  And all I had to do was ask and point him in a direction.
( really better than most husbands because he knows he is only stuck with me for such a short time... )

After all the weird moments talking about my past with the realtor as a boy and our past relationship.  I asked this guy if he remembered when he first met me.  I remember he was the farming neighbor boy of the girl that became my best friend.  She had a slight crush on him... but he always liked other girls, lots of girls.  I really do not remember talking to him much before high school.  We would have talked a bit, but I would not have liked him so as not to step on my best girl friends crush on him.

I really should know that my questions to men that knew me as boys are never going to end well...
So I asked - when did he first remember me from...
He says - Junior High...
Specifically, he told me that he remembered that he had pinned me to the ground at Junior High recess...

Hummm... we didn't have recess in Junior High.... which for us was 7-9 grades...
Yes we did... the girls would stand in groups of 2 - 6 talking and the boys would do the same type thing.
Yep, that's right...
Okay, I don't have any memory of him doing this to me specifically, it is possible.

I do remember that several boys would sometimes grab me and wrestle me to the ground to pin me.
I do remember that after the first couple of times this happened with boys doing this to me, maybe even from kindergarten, that if I did not really resist, and just went to the ground, it was over much quicker and they would let me go and I would not get hurt and they would go away almost immediately.  I made it no challenge for them.  If they were looking for the fight to overpower me, I offered no challenge.  I do not remember the same boy ever doing that to me more than once.  But I do remember it happening sometimes.  They would not sit on me and try to kiss me, or grope me, or even tickle me.  It was just like it was a test, sometimes it was with other boys mostly, a show of dominance or strength.  Sometimes they would grab me instead.  I was a girl of comparable size to most of the bigger boys, I was not the tiny petite girl with long hair that was girly.  I never understood why they would do this sometimes to me, and it seemed completely like a random attack sometimes.  But it was not daily or weekly, just random boys, random times, and over pretty quickly.  It was not something I enjoyed or wanted to happen.  I certainly did not like the boys that did it to me.  And if I had liked them even slightly, them tossing me to the ground would have certainly make me not like them anymore.  I really did not understand if they did it to tease me because they liked me, or because they did not like me.  I understood that they were not tossing all the girls like this, and that I was still fair game even in a skirt or dress or jeans.

So I ask they guy that I worked with and have known for 25 years... hey you were kind of a little guy at 120 pounds in school - and you would have lost a few rounds of this just because of your size alone.  Was this part of just having siblings and putting them in the pecking order?  Were you guys all like tiger cubs learning to play fight before growing up and tossing each other was part of that?  Why did I become part of the game, and did you ever do this to a girl???  A girl you liked or didn't like???  What was the point to pinning a girl to the ground as a pre-teen or early teen boy?
He said he did not do this with siblings, or other boys.  If he had done this to a girl, his parents would have marched him to her house for a very public apology to her and her family.  This never happened in his world.


So I asked my best friend that claimed he had done this to me.
Why?  Even if I do not remember this incident or even if he did it to some other girl and not me, why was he doing this to girls at all?  Give me some insight as to why other boys did this to me at all.

He wrote me back in a text message saying - It was much too long ago, he doesn't remember.

You tossed and wrestled girls to the ground and sat on us, and you do not know why???
Earlier he said that I always seemed to like older boys, even in junior high...  I said yes, they would snuggle and cuddle me and not hurt me.  Boys my age were randomly tossing me to the ground and pinning me to the dirt and you don't get why I would have liked other older boys that would just walk me to homeroom and kiss me slightly then go back to the high school?  And meet me after school to walk me to the buses and slightly kiss me and hug me again...  Gee, I know exactly why I liked the older boys.

 Stupid boys.

I had asked this same guy about my friend and I swimming at his house when just his mom was there, he wasn't.  Because we were not city kids, we did not have swimsuits on hand and just wore t-shirts and short shorts.  But wet t-shirts did not work well, and since it was just her and I alone in the water, we took off the shirts and put them on the pool edge.  We were not back floating for all the world to see.
Then later - we found out that the slightly younger brother of this guy may have been watching us from a bedroom window the whole time.
I am asking all this stupid other stuff from the past, I might as well finally learn if the brother was watching us or not.  Was he there?  Did he remember this?  He might not have known exactly who I was with my friend, but she was the neighbor girl, he would have known her very well.  I am sure 2 girls swimming topless in your parents pool would have been a memory a boy did not forget.  So my friend texts his brother with my question...
He text back nearly immediately...
Maybe ;-)

Maybe with a winking smiley face....  what does that mean?  Did he, didn't he, he wishes he had?
I had maybe before, which is why I really wanted to know the answer truthfully 35 years later.
And I get - maybe - as the answer????

Stupid boys... stupid men...

I would normally have said it was just a moment that he forgot - that seeing girls topless would have not been worth remembering - but I have learned lately that boys never forgot stuff like that in times long before the internet.  We did not do it knowing he was there.  We learned later that he was there... and why would he have been watching us at all?  Because he was a teenage boy... long before cable tv...
So was he there or not???
Maybe...
I told my friend, his brother, that I really would like to know the truth and that - maybe in a text message - was not the truth.  He said his brother would probably tell him if he asked directly, not in a text.
Yes, no, I don't remember, all work as actual answers.  I understand all this is so long ago, that the truth is not even what they remember sometimes, or what I remember.  But the answers to some of these questions about things are really strange.

No comments: