Monday, May 27, 2013

Slowly...

Slowly making stitching progress...
Considering putting a different name and date on the design...
Okay, like the design, but the fun is gone from stitching stars at this point...
I would guess I am more than half done with the stars, but I know there is another whole row of stars across the top. 

Things are still moving along cleaning at my mom's.  The neighbor guy has a buddy interested in buying my mom's house.  But because I have a realtor - the guy won't talk to me directly - and I have not signed papers with the realtor guy because I did not expect to try to sell it till after the auction - so the buddy interested in the house can't do a walk thru till the realtor has signed papers.  The realtor needs his supervisor to do something to get the papers because I am bringing the buyer to the deal, and that guy is sick - plus the holiday.
If the guy would have just talked to me - we could have had this over and done with and he could have walked thru and either been interested or not.  He knows there will be an auction and the house is a mess - it is not a 'showing' by any means, it is a - 'look where you put your foot so you don't fall or step on something' -  walk thru.  Have all the stuff off the bathroom walls to get them ready to fill nail holes and paint eventually.  The bathroom looks like the before of a remodeling show.  The bedrooms are filled with stuff, not usual bedroom stuff, but stuff so the morning of an auction, we are prepped to just grab it and walk stuff outside to be sold.  The dining room floor is covered in flats and boxes of dishes - again so the auctioneer can see them for the flyer, and so the morning of the auction we can set up a bucket brigade and just pass the boxes from one person to the next and right out the door...
And the garage is an accident waiting to happen - stuff all over the floor out there.  We are still sorting.

And it is still a working house - and all the usual yard stuff.
And now the weather is suppose to rain for nine days in a row... and it is cold and damp. 
Roads are flooding in some small towns around us after just 3 days of rain, and some rain earlier last week. 
Locally, it will be at flood stage.  And then we will add several more days of rain on top of that.

And I am already telling the realtor guy that this guy will not be the buyer from mom's house - and he will feel like a waste of time in the end.  I know it has to play out, and he will walk thru - then he will offer or not - and I will say - Thanks for the offer, but no thank you, and you can consider the house back off the market till after the auction.  The realtor has told the guy I will negotiate.  Unless he offers me exactly what I told him the price of the house is - then there is no deal.  He is getting the chance to buy the house before it is listed to the public.  If he would like a few items to stay like a garage work bench - that otherwise might be sold at auction, I will work with him on that...  But I think the price is sound.  And I suppose it is part of the realtor's job to say I will negotiate - but basically at this point - I am not motivated to negotiate.  If the guy thinks I am looking for a 'quick sale' as motivation to get away from that house - it will be about two years by the time the auction is over, and I finally get the house listed for sale, since my mom died.  Two years is not 'quick'.
And I am prepared to sit on if for another year to get the right buyer - what's two years verses three at this point???  Not many people could sit on a house for that long - or take that long to prep for an auction.  And up until just this last week - we are till touching things we have not touched before... because there is just so much stuff, and just me with one person helping me.  Thankfully she is an organizing machine - but it is insane, and we are not done yet.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

A Bit Of Progress In Life

Well, actually, I am still working on the other design, but this one was a bit further, and easier to take a photo of...
Not lots of time for stitching - I seem to get distracted, and not pick it up as I should in the evenings.  I prefer to stitch - so I must just find the groove again.

We are back to three days a week at my mothers house.  Three days does not sound like much and they are not 8 hour days.  But it can still feel exhausting because everything is a decision.  Keep it?  Sell it?  Toss it?  Scrap Metal?  Burn the paper and cardboard...  Does it stay with the house for the next owner?  Can it be recycled?  Just trash?  and the big question is usually - What is it????
And lots of things come with notes my dad wrote - needs sharpening - doesn't work - does work - new - used - found on the table, but not sure where it came from... -  ( really that was a note today... ) - metal, not sure if I found it on the floor at work or where exactly... - should do this with it - no plans for it...
And the big one - TO BE SORTED....
This was usually a box of mixed items - it usually include several drill bits...and up to 60 other items...
I think my dad never passed a garage sale - so if he could pick up a good hammer cheap - or a box of misc. screwdrivers cheap - he bought them.  I will take photos at some point - it is crazy the just the number of drill bits I have at the moment.  Those shoe box sized totes?  I have at least 6 of those full of drill bits.  That does not include brace and bit auger type drill bits, just electric drill type bits.  Now at auction - if you have only a dozen you might get a fair price - if you have a million drill bits, you don't get more for them...  so I have decided to bring the ALL home with me, and never have to buy another drill bit for the rest of my life. 
I could hand one to every person I meet for years and still not give them all away.  Some women would keep their mothers fine china - or collection of something - not me, I am keeping the tools - clamps - router - sander - chainsaw - gas trimmers and mowers.
The next man I date will tell his friends - she might not cook great - but you should see her drill bits...
I swear she has 150 pairs of needle nose pliers... and 70 pairs of cutters... -
Photos are really required to believe this - I am not exaggerating, if anything, it is way over that...
Next time - I will try to take the camera.  We still have most of the items split between the basement and the garage - and now I have brought some of it home.  But eventually it will all end up at my house.
It all weighs a ton.

Needed to talk to the realtor - who is the guy I wrote about, my unkissed romance.  I had talked to 3 people about buying mom's house - even before it is listed for sale - and I needed to know what to say, or what not to say.  So he was at an open house nearby, and I met him there to talk between customers at the open house.  It was a house that was built about the same time as my mom's house 1964, and it was referred to as a raised ranch house - but it felt very similar to my mothers house - same base boards, same closet doors, same oak floors - it is on an in town lot next to a busy street, but the windows have all been replaced and it is very quiet inside with no traffic noise - $135K.  nice little fenced yard with a garden.  So when I commented to him that it felt like my mom's he said, but the location of my mom's is so much better. 

The realtor and I always seem to end up in odd conversations - part about now and selling mom's house, and part about high school then.  We have met common people through different angles - and I asked if he knew the guy that is my best friend now but we knew each other in high school - I thought maybe they played football or something together?  Yes, he knew him - they were in Scouts together...  oh good grief. 

So we talked about lots of things - I keep saying I know I have got to stop dragging him into our past.  Maybe now it is not us specific.  I asked if he had gone to his senior prom because I was there but with somebody else - yes he had gone...  It seemed like I had seen him there - but I could have easily just remembered it wrong.  At that point there was no connection between us.  I needed to let him date other girls and hoped find him again after he was 18...  I was jealous enough as a girl to not want to watch that too closely, so I had to just let him go, and I had my own lessons to learn with other boys.

And I try to remember that even if we had dated - he still may have ended up exactly where he is, with his wife.  Nothing to say that we would have lasted or not lasted.  Sometimes I don't even understand what the connection is between us.  As a girl - I knew he wanted to kiss me, and I wanted to kiss him - never happened.  I knew once he kissed me I would lose my heart to him forever, and we were too young for that to happen at 15 and 16.  I would have hurt him - and I did not want to hurt him.  I was too stupid with boys feelings, and he was too special to me.

But he sometimes questions me about why I did not ever kiss him.  Especially since I have said I knew he wanted to kiss me, and I wanted him to kiss me.  Why couldn't I have just made the leap first...
I said I always preferred the boy to kiss me first.  And that I always thought our height difference would have stopped me from ever just kissing him unless he was sitting down.  The only time I was next to him while he was sitting down was that math class - either before or after class when we would talk.  Then usually I would stand next to his desk or sit in a nearby desk.  We must have always had a class after because as I have said before - I don't remember walking with him in the hallways or meeting him before an assembly to sit together.  I was the girl he liked, not his girlfriend.  He said if I ever had kissed him while he was in that math desk - he and the desk would have flipped over.... which is so sweet and made me laugh.

But I told him again I felt that I was not tall enough to have just kissed him without standing on the step above him, or he would have to have been sitting down. 
I asked him to just stand still - don't panic - that I was not going to touch him or kiss him, but I wanted to stand close enough to know if that was true or not.  I was in sneakers, and he was in his socks.  I just really wanted to know - it is more than 35 years later - I am tired of wondering and not knowing - I had no intention of kissing him - it was not meant as a tease.  It was like a math theory question - would it have been possible to kiss him... 

So we are both standing and I step very close to him, but not touching him.  And I am looking at how far his mouth would have been from my mouth, and judging it to be about 6 inches from mine.  And that I probably could stretch to make up 4 inches of that - but he would have had to have leaned slightly towards me, and been cooperating.  And that to avoid ever kissing me all he would have had to have done was to tilt his head back, and I could simply have not reached him to kiss him...
It was a true question for me, and that was my thoughts, not sexual - and I am just looking at his mouth trying to figure this out, and he is standing very still, so still that I actually probably lost myself in the question and thinking about it.  So I suddenly can feel that he is watching me look at him while I am silently thinking all this - and I finally look at his eyes and he is just watching me - and suddenly it was all sexual - oh good grief -
I know he is hoping that I have lied and will just kiss him finally - and he is just waiting for me to do something, anything to end this moment of tension for him. 
But I said I would not kiss him or touch him.  And I will never lie to him, he has to never doubt what I tell him.  Things I tell him he has to believe to his core and know he can always trust me.
So I slowly back away from him -
And he said - Well???  It was not as far of a reach as you thought, was it???
Nope, was all I could say...

And we changed the subject -
He was in a good mood - that whole day.  When I got there, he asked me to sit down, and I said I preferred to stand because I have to keep a certain distance between us.  ( The girl inside me gets too excited, and makes me lose focus so I have explained to him that I just have to not stand too close to him. )  He started to smile like a boy teasing me, and he took 2 steps towards me to see if I would stand my ground or try to back away from him...  I backed up nearly automatically - so he laughed and went to sit down away from me on the sofa while I stood.  I know it was just his way of teasing me.

We talked more.  As we were ready to leave - he reached down to grab something off of the floor in front of me.  And I reached out to rub or lightly scratch his back.  It is just a way for me to use a quick burst of energy - I have done this with guys I liked and worked with for years.  If they are open to me touching them - they sometimes get a quick back rub as I walk past or if I know they are having a bad day.  Most men will accept this from me - is comes nearly automatically anymore, and even after not working for so long - it just felt natural to reach out to quickly rub his back - then I realized that I have never done this to him, and he doesn't know that it is completely normal for me to do this to men I am comfortable around, and so I start to explain...
And he says - oh, for pete's sake.... and grabs me and hugs me from the side at an odd angle.  So much so that I can't hug him back.  I was just suddenly smooshed in a hug.  It was like he finally decided he had always wanted to hug me, and that is was just sort of silly not to just hug me.
And there was like a fountain spray of emotion included in the hug -
I have tried to hug him once 20 years ago, he does not remember that, and the day he looked at selling my mom's house, and not as kids.  Both times it was like hugging a tree.  The tree gives you nothing, and neither did he.  So for him to just finally hug me after 35 years with some emotion finally included - it was just really nice and actually felt normal for a change.  He needed to just get that out of his system.  If he wants to hug me - just hug me.  Men hug me.  Even one guy that only touches his wife - and I NEVER touch - elbowed me several times the other day - and it took me a minute but I realized that is his way of hugging me.  He did it in front of his wife - and I got it.  So sometimes a hug comes a way that you don't even realize, and could easily be dismissed.
I am sure at the moment, I come off as very - damsel in distress - because I am in a situation that I do need their help.  And the good guys are stepping up to help - and they all try to reassure me that it will all work out.  But I was just so screwed from the start to be able to do it on my own.  I know at this point it will end eventually, and I will get through it, and it could have been much worse.


Saturday, May 11, 2013

Stitching for sanity.

Okay, to keep my sanity - stitching does seem to help.  I think this is a fourth  or more of the pattern, the bottom right hand corner.  This part mirrors the left side bottom corner. This photo also shows how that blue does read as blue sometimes, and nearly gray sometimes.

As far as other news - I have an auction date - July 13.  Talked to him May 4, and that was the next Saturday he had available - after that was into August...  Met the auctioneers lovely wife.  Asked lots of questions about what happens if it rains.  My friend was with me to ask any questions she had, and because I can't remember anything for longer than an hour due to stress and trying to remember 1001 other things.
The auctioneers wife says it is just like planning a wedding.  My friend got that right away.  She has a married son, she would have had her own wedding at some point.  I however, although I have been married twice, and divorced twice, have never planned a wedding, and never had a wedding.  First time I was married in my living room by a guy that I later found out might not actually have had the proper forms to marry couples at all. So him, my husband, me, his co-worker and wife, and my co-worker.  In a ranch style house living room, six people is about the maximum standing before you start to fall over the coffee table if anybody moves.  Married in my jeans - no wedding cake, rings but not wedding rings.  I think my friend took a photo - don't remember ever seeing it, maybe there was no film in her camera, or it came out awful.  The second wedding was about the same except substitute lawyers office for living room, and only his best friend, and my best friends as witnesses.  Had actual wedding rings that time, and a Dairy Queen ice cream cake.  We picked up the cake on the way home, it was frozen so solidly that nobody could eat it, because you could not cut it, for days....
No honeymoons.  My second husband took his nephew to the state amusement park without me for the day.  Sounded like fun to me, I just wasn't invited to come along...  and that was my first clue on how long that second marriage was going to last.  But I started as the good new wife saying - sure honey, I'll go back to work - you have fun with your nephew...   we had dated off and on about four years, the marriage itself lasted about six months, but I am sure this was already the beginning of the end for me.
Anyway, you needed that history to understand my completely puzzled look when told that planning an auction is just like planning a wedding....
Hummmm.
Okay, we have the date and location, I get that...
Oh boy, I get to be the bride....
Um, wait, me being the bride never actually works out that well for me...  does anybody else want to be the bride????  I am slightly veering from bride idea, and thinking of myself as the woman they toss into the volcano so the crops are good for the year... I know she is usually a virgin - so again, I would not be the village's first choice....  but they actually like the virgin girl, so I will do for this year's toss.  And I already know the crops will not be good if I am the one tossed into the volcano - probably something involving swarms of locusts....

I did get that my former guy friends I was trying to get to help haul stuff out the morning of the auction were like Groomsmen with big muscles...  and I asked every guy I had known and was close to going back twenty years, and could only list seven guys, four of which I am convinced will show up and not let me down.  The other three, have the date - but I can not count on them to actually show up.
I have another woman that I worked with - I am confident she will come - and I hope for a couple of the wives of the men I can count on.  That is the wedding party.

The woman that I worked with now owns a coffee shop, and can bring coffee for everybody, and I will bring rolls and donuts from the local bakery that morning. I guess that is the catering for the wedding party.

I have always said I could never throw a tupperware party and expect anybody to show up, or even a funeral for that matter.  So them telling me that this auction is just like a wedding and saying next is the choosing the dress...  still leaves me completely clueless.

As with all things in my life - it will play out exactly as it is supposed to play out.  I can worry about what will happen, but it will not change anything that actually does happen that day.
I know that my friend is a cleaning organizing machine, and as long as I can keep myself at least positive and trying, she will drag me out the other side of all of this.  I told her this, and she says indeed she will.

So time to try to take care of the 1001 other things that need done.  Yards to mow - laundry - dripping shower to fix at my house.  Called the roofer - left a message on his cell phone.  He has not called me back.  Pop was on sale yesterday - I bought 27 - 18 packs -  486 cans of pop.  I am set for a while.
And tonight I get to go have a beer and BS with the guy that is 72 that I worked with.  I was not aware that having a beer required a date like time, and arrangement.  I thought it was a matter of just catching the guy, you relax and have a beer if he doesn't have other plans or something he never misses on tv.  Nope, there are rules to that too.  Who knew?
 

Friday, May 3, 2013

No Stitching Time

Stitching time has not happened.  Trying to start at my mom's again.
Trying to schedule the auction.  Trying to coordinate enough guys to completely unload a house and garage in less than two hours before an auction. I tell them it isn't as bad as trying to help somebody move...
They just have to get the furniture out of the house, onto the front yard for the auctioneer.  And since it is a walk out basement - and we have a trailer we pull with a mower to haul stuff around the house, they don't even have to carry stuff - it will not be awful.  No large appliances are involved - no dragging stuff up or down stair steps.

But some of the guys I have not seen for 16 years.  They still remember me - and they are willing to help me.
I may have been awful at picking husbands, but I do know how to pick men that I can still depend on to help me.  They know I would not just ask if I was not backed into a corner.  Having other guys they know, but maybe have not seen for a while will make it fun for all of us.

But there is always that - hey, remember me - moment.  When it is silent, and the gears are turning.
I am always curious what their first words will be that tell me that they know me, or sometimes it is it is just how they felt about me.  Today I got- I remember you - you were always a good friend to me.  We used to joke about lots of stuff.... and I added, and you used to bear hug me and crack my back for me when it hurt.

Seeing all these guys that were men I trusted all together again will be the nicest thing to begin this next part of my life.



Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Elisabeth Scholl - started.

Elisabeth Scholl from Barrick Samplers.
The first thing I did was the stitch that full red star in blue - dog-gone-it.  So it did not start well.
Two colors, and I can still mess it up.  Slightly darker blue that the pattern suggested I think.  It sometimes looks gray, sometimes blue, so it works for the birds nicely. On mottled Queen Anne's Lace 28 count, one over one.

Worked more on Lauren's Sampler - so it is further than the last photo.  Love the lettering color, DMC 3787, would call it smoke -  in that pattern, just for my own future reference.  Would consider using that alone also in a larger single colored design. Also used a nice red from that first rabbit - DMC 3857, a deep red that is not the usual reds we grab for single red projects.  Hard to find a satisfying red, but that is one to consider. 

Keep watching that 4 pot dickie pattern as it grows.  Sure is lovely.  Considering colors still... red? black? smoke?  Just keep admiring hers as it grows.  I know I'd never stitch it as one long piece because I am too cheap to pay to custom frame it that way.  But 3 sections, might not be too bad.  Still tossing and turning and admiring from afar.  It's truly lovely MarchAnn.

Think I am finally done revisiting my past relationship.  I needed to tell him that I had tried to find him after high school, that he needed to know that.  I could hear his emotion in his voice when he asked me 'When?....'  He had always thought that he had done or said something to hurt me, and that was what ended us.  Always told him no.  Telling him finally that I had tried to find him, proved that he had done nothing wrong.  He could finally believe me.  He was searching his mind to know if he was single or not at that point - he was single - it was three years before he met his wife.  It would have been our time, just as I had always suspected, even as a girl.  I knew telling him would not change now, nor should it.  But there is amazing comfort to finally learn that somebody cared that much about you even years later.  Or even if you just did something silly with a friend, and they remembered it fondly years later.  We all need a dose of that from time to time from the people around us..He was able to give me a great attitude adjustment - and I really needed that, as we all do from time to time.
We would have loved the stuffin' out of each other.  Simple as that.

Down just under 23 pounds in 23 days now.  Really thought I hit the wall at 20 - decided a deep fat fried breaded tenderloin was the perfect way to end.  But still down the next day.  Just playing it day by day and how I feel now.  But today I feel great with a great attitude and a burst of energy.